Did you know that one can become addicted to porn? Most times this hits home when you discover that your partner is a porn addict. Porn addiction and sex addiction have a narrow differentiating line between them.
Other women, whom I’ll consider optimistic, console themselves using excuses such as the husband is out to acquire new skills to add spice to their bed. It is okay to believe this at first, but you need to get concerned when this “skill-acquiring venture” becomes excessive. Is there a need for you to worry?
Many marriages have been negatively affected by this addiction. Like any other addiction, it starts with a small intake, and the urges and appetite increase.
What are the Clear Indicators of Porn Addiction?
Change of Sexual Preferences
We all have different sexual preferences, and after some time, you get to know what your partner loves. The likes might be on the act or your physical appearance. Some men love it slow, and some aggressive. Everyone has a different fetish, and dependent on how long you’ve been together, you probably know your husband’s fancies.
Watching porn together might have good results, but you can find evidence that he is addicted to porn at a certain level. Watching a lot of porn might lead to him seeing the need for you to change something about your body. Another common sign is that his addiction most likely leads to him being more or less aggressive during sexual intercourse.
During intercourse, he might bring up requests that will make you uncomfortable. You are not obliged to meet them. If you do not feel like honoring the request, make it clear to him.
However, a quick reminder that your physical appearance should not be a reason for your partner’s porn addiction. You are worth every inch of your body.
He is Distant During Sex
Sex is meant to be intimate. I consider it more spiritual and mental than it is physical. Porn addicts lose this view on sex due to their addiction.
When I say that your husband becomes distant, I don’t mean physical distance; it’s the emotional distance that indicates his addiction.
Spends A Lot of Time Secretively Online
Porn is found online. Where else and how else would one find the content readily? If your husband spends a lot of time on the internet and is secretive about it, he is likely addicted to porn.
Everyone does have a right to privacy, but there are some things we do online that we can’t do or look up in public. If your husband makes time to be alone to watch porn, unknowingly, it becomes a habit. His bedtime schedule will change as he will always take advantage of the time he gets to be alone.
Relating to his computer, which he uses to access porn, the history on his computer is always cleared. We hardly ever clear our browsing history on personal laptops, unless we’re trying to hide something. How often do you clear your history?
You Hardly Arouse Him Anymore
Your husband has fed his mind with a lot of porn to the extent that the only thing that can arouse him is porn. Before the addiction, you were what spurred him, but not anymore.
Porn creates sexist attitudes toward women. Some of those narratives are what your husband will feel that you should role-play some of the scenes for his arousal, but this is not the case. It’s his altered mindset acting up
Communication Becomes Problematic for Him
Since upping his porn intake your husband will most likely avoid his social life since he is mentally and physically exhausted. His interest in some things will suddenly die down, and he will mostly prefer being alone.
He will prefer watching porn over socializing since that is his primary source of entertainment and happiness. All other social errands, to him, become an interruption because they will take up his time and effort.
Regularly Preferring Watching Porn Over Sex
Opinions defer with some people saying that watching porn with your partner is healthy. Addicts, however, tend to pick up watching porn frequently, and your husband’s excessiveness affects you. And, it ends up damaging your sexual intimacy as a couple.
Find Him Masturbating Often
Finding your husband masturbating even if you are willing and available for intimacy can be overwhelming. This should be a wake-up call and an eye-opener to seek or provide help.
How can Porn Addiction Affect My Marriage and Family?
Lying
Porn addicts will always try to find a reason to be alone or evade some of their responsibilities. This addiction separates one from the physical world and makes them see the need to be alone for mental space for watching porn.
You Might Feel Worthless and Guilty
As the spouse and the one who has the sole purpose of sexually satisfying your husband, you will feel like you have failed to do it. The guilt of not being able to meet your husband might strike you. You will also most likely lose the morale of intimacy or the need for intimacy with porn.
Introducing Children to Porn
Some fathers have a close relationship with their children, a more friendly relationship than it is fatherly. The likelihood of your husband hiding things from you is higher than hiding from them. For this reason, your husband, being open to your children, will have the opportunity to introduce them to porn.
Besides introducing them to porn, you are mostly preoccupied with your husband’s situation, your children might feel neglected since your thoughts are focused on solving this issue. It is a disaster
What Steps Should I Take?
Talk to Him
Talking this out is always the best way to solve marital issues. He might not even know the storm his addiction is kicking up, and there is a high chance of this being true. When talking to him, it is advisable not to make him feel judged since this will only make him feel worse.
Go for Couples Counseling
Introducing a therapist will give both of you space to speak about the situation. Counseling sessions are a safe place because your therapist listens to both of you and will provide an unbiased opinion. Since they are also professionals, their advice will be incredibly beneficial to you.
Spend Time doing Your Hobbies Together
Since most of your husband’s “free” time is spent on porn, find a way to convince him to do something both of you like doing together. Frequently doing this will help wean him off porn addiction.
Wrap Up
Dealing with the fact that your husband is addicted to porn is not easy, and accepting this is equally challenging. As much as it is heavy for you to bear, learn not to blame yourself. You are not the problem.
Do not let your partner’s addiction take up a significant part of your thoughts. Constantly remind yourself why you got married. The memory of this will be great solace at this time.
